Brownies

I don’t eat brownies anymore. It is not that I dislike the taste of brownies, but rather the side effects that result, especially when I am surrounded with women, like the time I ate my last brownie in a coffee shop in my city.

• Can I have a brownie?- I asked the girl that attended the counter.

It was the fifth time in that specific day that I went to buy something in that store. Any pretext was enough to see that girl; she has those beautiful eyes, like black suns, and like the sun it was dangerous to be close to her or look at her for a long time.

It wasn’t only the amount of money that I was losing but also for the sake of my image as a reasonable human being, which I was never able to demonstrate to her.

Since she started to work in that cafeteria, around 6 months previously, two things happened: the first one is that I became a regular of that place, and second, my money was being transferred almost directly to the owner of the cafeteria, allowing for a business boom as more people started to notice her. Still, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to have a conversation with her, it seemed that my words smashed one to another when that girl started to smile at me and I kept looking to her long black hair.

Even my friends laughed when they saw me walking toward her, like a great matador in a great arena ready to kill the bull, and suddenly I become the smallest mouse that ever existed, making those guttural sounds as I tried to create a coherent sentence and ending in ‘Can you give me X’ or ‘Can I have another coffee, please?’ Walking as fast as I can without running, but looking quite retarded anyway, my friends back at my table looked at me with that imp’s smile on their faces, and sometimes added a commentary that still hurts when I think about it: ‘you forget the sugar’.

Nevertheless, the last day I ate a brownie was a different one. After spending 6 months going to the cafeteria I was sure that I did not have more money for lattes nor patience to hold this situation for 6 months more, and after I asked for a brownie and she asked me which one I wanted, my mouth finally was able to articulate a coherent sentence:

• I’m sorry, I never asked you. What is your name?- 

She looked at me, thinking of what to say after I changed my question.

• Bronwyn.
• Oh like a brownie.
• No!- she replied angry-  B-R-O-N-W-Y-N!
• Oh sorry, I meant that it’s sweet to the ear like a brownie is to the mouth-. And with that corky and cheesy and horrible line, I was able to begin a nice conversation and invited her to the movies after 35 minutes of negotiation, which include dinner for two.

It was an effort of 6 months but I felt like I won the Olympic Games or found a winning lottery ticket in the street; at least until we went on that date. When I picked her up, it was the nicest day of the year, literally. The climate was refreshing which allowed to me to wear my nicest yellow pants that I keep for summer and my cool orange shirt that makes me look handsome, almost like Magnum, but without the mustache. At least that is what my roommates told me when they stopped laughing and I went out.

When I picked her up she looked different from what I expected. Probably, I got used to seeing her with an apron all day long, but after I looked closer at her I noticed she just used the same clothes that she was wearing when she was working that day, minus the apron, and her hair seemed to have been squashed by a pillow. Even the makeup was distinct, by which I mean there was none at all, but I did not give any thought and we set up for our date.

After the proper chit chat introduction and a couple of changes in the driving lines we got to a small Thai restaurant. We sat down in the last corner and she asked for a couple of drinks and while I started to describe my feelings towards her, the waitress brought the drinks and took our orders. I will be honest and say that I did not notice what I or her asked for dinner, since I was so concentrated on what I was telling her.

When the plates were on the table I was in the midst of my second attempt to explain how I felt for her. I explained my constant difficulties to talk, the terrible feeling I had every time I opened my mouth and the embarrassment I experienced every time I tried to talk to her. Bronwyn was just able to express a ‘really?’ without stopping to chew her calamari in ink. That is when I noticed the amount of food she ordered. It was the right amount for a small army of elephants that had been fasting for three months and then decided to ask for the expensive plates on the menu. Nevertheless, I continued with my explanation and I asked her if she felt the same as me. She answered in a calm tone ‘no.’

I felt a remorse that suddenly transformed into anger and before I was completely mad she asked for dessert and two beers (for the digestion). When they brought the kilometric bill I wasn’t able to pay with the money I had in my wallet and I had to put it in 6 months with a lot interest on behalf of VISA.

When we were leaving, Bronwyn point out that I did not tip the waitress and I was made to be 20 dollars poorer, but at least I received a nice smile and a ‘come-back-soon’ on my way out. As soon as I felt the air from the street, my feelings for her were diminished and in contrast, Bronwyn’s  feelings grew towards me.

She started to hug me, kiss me and snuggle me, she then started to ask me;

• Do you love me?
• Yes.
• Why?
• I dunno.

She paused for a moment, and continued;

• Do you think I’m interesting?
• Yes
• Why?
• Because you seem to be interesting-. After that I realized I couldn’t feel anything for her.

My body started to tell me to run far away from her. I started to think of all the possible scenarios where I could actually run and never see her again, but she held my hand as if she knew what I was thinking. Soon where in the movie theatre and my patience had run out; I had to escape from this girl if I wanted to have money for my rent. I thought of the best possible plan when I felt I needed to go to the washroom. I excused myself and went out before the movie started, and once I finished making use of the services, I went to the counter to refund my ticket and went back to my house, driving as fast I could and leaving Bronwyn in the theatre with a packet of popcorns and a bucket of ice cream.

Since that day I have never been in that cafeteria, for obvious reasons. I have never seen Bronwyn or eaten other brownies.

Jade and Oscar

I was late. Jade hates when I’m late, so when I get to the table where we were supposed to have lunch, she just stares at me, waiting one of my magnificent excuses that she never believes but that she always enjoys listening to. –I’m terribly sorry to be late- I said to her, not very convincingly- but I just saw one of my friends that is studying “the prince” by Machiavelli.- and I sit down, take out my lunch and stare at her, waiting for her reaction.

• Really?- she didn’t believe me. 

I began to explain about how I met my friend one night when I was walking back to my house after several hours working on one of my essays almost all day long and that I was distracted by the light of the moon, which was so bright that I was able to put on one of my favorite songs and enjoy the view, when a silhouette came out from the reservation that is in the back of the university. 

Suddenly, the silhouette walked towards me and told me: ‘Hi Oscar, could you tell me where the department of social science is?’ When I finally was able to distinguish the figure of my interlocutor, which turned out to be a young deer who explained me that she was recently accepted to the university and she didn’t know the place very well. She asked me where the department of social science was. I told her where it was but I was sure that she would not find anyone there. - Oh that is ok, I just want to drop an essay in the drop-box; if you want we can go together and we can talk-. After that we got to be friends, but I didn’t see her again until today when I was reading outside and I saw my friend enjoying her reading as well as me, and we started to talk again as we did that night.

I chew my sandwich and she tries to swallow some of those green leaves from her salad and my little story. Jade just stares at me and when she shallows her bite she is able to say something.

- So... a deer?- she asks, incredulous that I was talking with someone, and perhaps she was right since I don’t like to talk to other people, even if they talk to me. She knows that I am racist, but only to white people. However, when a person is educated I could talk with anyone. Nevertheless I was shocked to discover how little tolerance Jade had concerning the subject of me talking with other people.

She still looks at me with those eyes that she usually gives me when she doesn’t believe the pretext that I give to her, and she asks me again.

• So you saw it again?
• Yes. It was very nice to talk with someone who is as passionate about the Prince as I am.
• Why she...it was reading a book about the Prince?
• Well she told me that it is a reading for her classes. She is taking the first year class in politics and she needed to memorize the entire book.

Somehow I feel that jade didn’t believe anything I said to her, especially when she pursed her lips and seemed angrier than before. As a result I had only one option.

-You want to see her?-.

• Oh yeah-.

So we start to walk toward the door and then to the spot that connects to the reservation. For most of the trajectory she continues mumbling and her lips get closer and closer. I didn’t know why she gets so angry just because I was talking with a nice deer, which from my perspective was more educated than most people I know. For a second, I thought that Jade was genuinely a deer racist, which could explain why she is vegetarian.

Soon enough we get close to where I found my friend, but I realize that she moved from where I saw her. I was afraid that Jade would get angrier with me until I see the deer walking towards us with a book in her mouth, and after she put it on the floor she greets us.

• Hi, Oscar. Who is your friend?
• She is my friend Jade. She didn’t believe me when I told her that I was talking with you so I brought her to see you.

Something that I really hate about white people, and Canadians in general is the lack of education that they possess. Jade just stares at the deer with her mouth open (I almost die of embarrassment) as we converse. It is even more terrifying when the deer greets her and she just mumbles some words.

We continue talking about how horrible the university was and how the architecture looks like a prison; about her conclusion concerning the prince and how Machiavelli was an arrogant bastard, although I defend him as much as I can, but the deer has some points that even today I consider very valid. However the insistence of Jade to open her mouth and stare at the deer really makes her uncomfortable and she decides to move on and leave us alone after she says goodbye.

- Well nice to see you Oscar, and nice to talk with you Jade, I hope another day we could talk again-. There was no doubt that deers were more educated that most people I know.

We stay there for a couple of minutes that felt like hours due to that tension that was forming. I didn’t want to say anything and Jade did the same. Until she gets the nerve and asks me.

- Ok, you just don’t see anything wrong here?- poor Jade; never thought that she was a racist.

• What you mean?
• I mean you just talk with a deer that knows your name and you don’t think is weird?

I look her in the eye, and for the first time I am upset with that face. After 4 years I will not let her be offensive with people who I talk to. However, I am able to control myself and in that moment I answer her.

- Well Jade, when you pass as much time as I do in the university you get used to the idea that everybody knows your name.

And I start to walk toward to the cafeteria. I was still hungry.